Resilience is one of the most successful ingredients for a successful life. Without it one is the classic snowflake. Do you know why Special Operations personnel, particularly Special Mission Unit personnel, Special Forces (Green Berets) and Rangers suffer PTSD at rates lower than the rest of the military and, when they do suffer from PTSD the severity of the cases tends to be lower? Resilience. In Special Forces and in the most elite Army Special Mission Unit resilience is a characteristic that is sought during the selection phase and, for those who make it through selection, it is then developed through harsh, demanding and realistic training. Not everyone makes it through the selection process and even among those selected not everyone makes it through the training process successfully to become full fledged members of these units, but those that do share a number of common characteristics, including resilience. Resilience is both natural and trained, and a person's natural resilience can be developed through good, difficult and authentic training. You have identified a key ingredient to a successful life and you have trained your son, as is your proper role as a parent. Bravo and well done.
The WWII generation had resilience...they were people who grew up, by and large, hard. They were use to disappointment and not having or getting what they wanted. They were one of the greatest generations our nation has ever produced and their success speaks for itself. They were, more than anything else, resilient.
Thanks for sharing your discovery because many are completely unaware of it or, even if aware, it breaks their hearts as loving parents to deny their children...so they don't do it and they end up producing...snowflakes. Your Mom was entirely right and your process to teach that to your son was brilliant. And you're right, your job is not to raise children, your job is to raise someone into being an excellent adult.
I have served in youth ministry for nearly 30 years, and have had the vantage to observe many types of parenting and the results they produce given enough time. This man is exactly right.
When my daughter was about four, following a loss at a family board game that resulted in a pronounced fit of pouting, my Ph.D.-touting wife sat my daughter down and said, "In this life, you will never be the smartest, the funniest, the prettiest, the cutest, or the most popular person in the world. You have got to get used to this, and once you do, you have a choice; you can give thanks for who you are or you can be bitter about that." As it turns out, my daughter is often the smartest person in the room, but the lesson (repeated in many forms over many ensuing years) was catalytic, and my daughter, now a college freshman, loves to share the anecdote as foundational to why she is the smiling, resilient young woman she is.
In a book written by James Dobson (don't remember the title) he asks the question (paraphrased) "What magical thing is going to happen to your child that suddenly changes that child from a self focused tyrant into a reasonable, selfless, paragon of virtue?" I love this example of focused, intentional training. Dobson called it tough love.
I believe resilience is something everyone should be taught. I'm chronically ill, neurodivergent, under a dictatorship, etc if I didn't have resilience I would legit be dead by now. I want to empower others, I want to make them feel like life is worth it despite all of the pain and challenges it brings! That's why I write this newsletter. That's why I share my thoughts. We need more warriors and less victims.
Resilience is one of the most successful ingredients for a successful life. Without it one is the classic snowflake. Do you know why Special Operations personnel, particularly Special Mission Unit personnel, Special Forces (Green Berets) and Rangers suffer PTSD at rates lower than the rest of the military and, when they do suffer from PTSD the severity of the cases tends to be lower? Resilience. In Special Forces and in the most elite Army Special Mission Unit resilience is a characteristic that is sought during the selection phase and, for those who make it through selection, it is then developed through harsh, demanding and realistic training. Not everyone makes it through the selection process and even among those selected not everyone makes it through the training process successfully to become full fledged members of these units, but those that do share a number of common characteristics, including resilience. Resilience is both natural and trained, and a person's natural resilience can be developed through good, difficult and authentic training. You have identified a key ingredient to a successful life and you have trained your son, as is your proper role as a parent. Bravo and well done.
The WWII generation had resilience...they were people who grew up, by and large, hard. They were use to disappointment and not having or getting what they wanted. They were one of the greatest generations our nation has ever produced and their success speaks for itself. They were, more than anything else, resilient.
Thanks for sharing your discovery because many are completely unaware of it or, even if aware, it breaks their hearts as loving parents to deny their children...so they don't do it and they end up producing...snowflakes. Your Mom was entirely right and your process to teach that to your son was brilliant. And you're right, your job is not to raise children, your job is to raise someone into being an excellent adult.
One of your best columns Adam. Well done.
I have served in youth ministry for nearly 30 years, and have had the vantage to observe many types of parenting and the results they produce given enough time. This man is exactly right.
When my daughter was about four, following a loss at a family board game that resulted in a pronounced fit of pouting, my Ph.D.-touting wife sat my daughter down and said, "In this life, you will never be the smartest, the funniest, the prettiest, the cutest, or the most popular person in the world. You have got to get used to this, and once you do, you have a choice; you can give thanks for who you are or you can be bitter about that." As it turns out, my daughter is often the smartest person in the room, but the lesson (repeated in many forms over many ensuing years) was catalytic, and my daughter, now a college freshman, loves to share the anecdote as foundational to why she is the smiling, resilient young woman she is.
Wise words from here. Thank you for sharing your experience.
As usual: 'Makes a lot of sense!'
Wow, that's a good idea.
In a book written by James Dobson (don't remember the title) he asks the question (paraphrased) "What magical thing is going to happen to your child that suddenly changes that child from a self focused tyrant into a reasonable, selfless, paragon of virtue?" I love this example of focused, intentional training. Dobson called it tough love.
I believe resilience is something everyone should be taught. I'm chronically ill, neurodivergent, under a dictatorship, etc if I didn't have resilience I would legit be dead by now. I want to empower others, I want to make them feel like life is worth it despite all of the pain and challenges it brings! That's why I write this newsletter. That's why I share my thoughts. We need more warriors and less victims.
Perfect.