What Dads Need To Know About Modern Motherhood

Mothers from all over the world have shared with me that attending playgrounds, music classes, gymnastics sessions, or mommy-and-me groups has become a lonely experience. Instead of meeting other mothers, they often encounter babysitters or nannies. Even these spaces are less populated because so many children are now placed in institutional daycare. In the United States, nearly 75% of mothers with young children work outside the home. The rise in dual full-time working parents and single-parent families has further reduced the number of mothers available for social connection.

This societal shift—from raising our own children to delegating childcare to institutions or caregivers—has created a community desert for mothers who value the early attachment relationship between babies and their primary caregivers. As a result, many mothers struggle to find a sense of community. Raising children is not something that should be done in isolation. Historically, mothers relied on their community for support, companionship, and as a place to find shared experiences and learn essential skills. Community is a critical part of finding fulfillment and joy in motherhood. However, for mothers who prioritize parenting, finding a like-minded community has become increasingly difficult in a society that undervalues motherhood and family, while overemphasizing career achievement and material success.

In his book The Second Mountain, David Brooks describes how individualism has overtaken communalism, leaving many feeling disconnected. Similarly, Arthur Brooks, a professor at Harvard University, emphasizes that community is a key factor in happiness. The increase in postpartum depression—which affects up to 20% of mothers in the U.S.—is often wrongly attributed solely to hormonal changes. Social isolation plays a significant role in this mental health crisis. For mothers who choose to stay home with their babies, despite the sacrifices this entails, loneliness and societal marginalization are common experiences. This isolation is unnatural for new mothers, who historically have raised their children in supportive communities.

In response to this growing need, I recently founded an organization called Attachment Circles. This platform aims to bring mothers together within their local communities, helping them create networks of like-minded individuals who value the critical relationship between mothers and their children, particularly during the early years and throughout childhood. Whether you’re a stay-at-home mom, a part-time working mom, or someone who works from home, you are welcome. The main criterion is a shared belief in the importance of the sensitive and empathic bond between a primary caregiver—usually the mother but sometimes the father—and their child. Parenting is one of the hardest jobs in the world and requires a supportive community of extended family and friends, or friends who become family.

Although Attachment Circles will not be fully operational for several months, I hope it will become a beacon of hope for mothers who are searching for others who view mothering as valuable and vital work.

Whether you live in a bustling city like New York, without a built-in support system, or in the suburbs, where more mothers may stay close to family but feel isolated in their own homes, the experience of communal mothering is becoming a thing of the past. Our children are suffering from this cultural shift, where work outside the home is prioritized over family, and mothers are suffering too. When mothers listen to their instincts to raise their own children, they often face isolation and loneliness. It is not too late to reverse this trend and support mothers who choose to stay at home or work fewer hours to prioritize their children. The mental health of both our children and their mothers depends on it.

Erica Komisar, LCSW, is a psychoanalyst, social worker, parent guidance expert, and author of Being There: Why Prioritizing Motherhood in the First Three Years Matters and Chicken Little, The Sky Isn’t Falling: Raising Resilient Adolescents in the New Age of Anxiety.