Reflecting on the Butker-Gate “Family Matters” Controversy
Do you remember that time when the Kansas City Chief’s kicker, Harrison Butker, caused a global meltdown after giving a Catholicism-infused commencement address at Benedictine College…a Catholic university…?
It was a wild week. Butker’s counter-cultural address encouraged the men and women of Benedictine to find purpose and meaning in family, instead of attaching their value to having careers. The speech was condemned by the Benedictine Sisters of Mount St. Scholastica, drew a forceful rebuke from GLAAD, and spawned several nights of debate on CNN and MSNBC. The NFL did the typical lazy PR move of publicly reaffirming its commitment to “inclusivity and diversity” (whatever that means) and 50,000 randos signed a petition calling for his removal from the Kansas City Chiefs.
If you haven’t seen Butker’s address, now is a good time to remedy that.
It’s a passionate address. No one could argue whether this man
loves…
his…
wife…
In such a big way. Butker sees her and how she changed his life for the better. I resonate with his words because I too married the love of my life—not a high school sweetheart, but someone I met at work. Lisa and I crossed paths at Nickelodeon, and I can confidently say that I wouldn’t be where I am without her. She has shaped my understanding of manhood, fatherhood, and genuine partnership.
It’s increasingly difficult in 2024 to define masculinity or find examples of healthy male role models in the cultural mainstream. That’s why I take solace in the fact that my relationship with my wife is probably the only reason I can define “being a man” at all.
Harrison Butker’s speech challenged a group of Catholic young people to consider this, and it just so happened that the whole world tuned in. Despite intense criticism, Butker stood firm on his central message, which could be summarized as:
The majority of the young women graduating that day from Benedictine College would find their greatest fulfillment at home with children, not in the office where they put the college degree to use for financial and professional gain.
That’s courage, folks. Literally no one is out there saying this in the popular culture who has as much to lose as Harrison Butker
My Wife’s Clarity of Mind and Purpose
When our son was born, my wife made the courageous decision to stay home, prioritizing our new family over her career. It was a tough decision, especially given our circumstances at the time, but she didn’t really hesitate. My wife, a company powerhouse and massive professional success, shifted gears.
She said to me, “I have to stay home. I have to stay home with Matteo.”
Yet, she looks back on that decision without an ounce of regret. Life is full of trade-offs, and understanding this is a crucial part of maturing. The culture has nothing encouraging to say about this. It’s always about “empowerment” and “me me me,” never duty and sacrifice.
My wife’s clarity of mind on pivoting to being a homemaker still stuns me to this day. She is more decisive, assertive, and forceful than I am. I had to learn these things from her over many years.
So, if we pause for a moment and reflect on gender norms and stereotypes, I learned from her example how to lead and take charge…as a man. This is what it’s all about, people.
Give and take. Growing together. Partnership. Mutual admiration. Love.
The decisions you make about who you share your time with will dramatically shape your future. I hope for anyone reading this that you find a partner who makes you better and shares your core beliefs. Marry that person. Everything else will fall into place after that.
Everything. Will. Work. Out.
You should definitely check out my longer-form video response to Butker’s speech. There’s so much more to be said about the “controversial” wisdom those students at Benedictine received.
Bravo to Mr. Butker. It took courage to get up there and say what he believes. I might go a step further and suggest, to say what is true. That’s what courage means: standing up for what you believe in, even when it’s uncomfortable, even when it might cost you.
Lucky for Butker, based on the rapid rise in value of his #7 Kansas City Chiefs jersey, I think the majority of Americans who heard his address agree with him. That gives me a lot of hope.
Amen. I’m not Catholic, but I found Butker’s address SO refreshing. Women of my generation were sold a bill of goods when we were sold a version of “feminism” that encouraged us to sacrifice the best years of our lives to careers, corporations and industries that couldn’t care less about us at the expense of building and enjoying families who love us. There are a lot of things I’ve liked about my career(s), but none of it comes remotely close to the joy and satisfaction I get from being a devoted wife and mama to my husband and son.
It's unfortunate that Western culture has convinced so many Gen X women and younger that career is everything and poo poo'ed the idea of just wanting to raise a family. Ladies - we were conned! It's a shame so much of parenting is being outsourced to anything and everything.
I loved Butker's speech.
Even before my son was born, I set up my life to not depend on my income. Even though I had more degrees than my husband, I easily traded time making money to time at home caring for our child. And it naturally led to homeschooling, b/c let's be honest - mainstream culture and most schools are not inculcating a meaningful life. Just look at widespread depression in our society.